billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
Randomize
