I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
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