He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Randomize
