Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Randomize
