nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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