You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
