I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
organizing the empties. That sober.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
