Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
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