I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Randomize
