He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
