i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
