I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
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