this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
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Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
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I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
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