id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
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