yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Randomize
