WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Randomize
