you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
Randomize
