Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
