I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
Randomize
