and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
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