I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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