She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
not ubering you a puppy
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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