I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
Soap is not a condiment
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
Randomize
