too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
