Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
You are a booty call, not a friend.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
