There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
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