I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
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