What did we do last night that was yellow?
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
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