I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
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