I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Randomize