im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
Randomize
