Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
