I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
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I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
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I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
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