I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Randomize
