mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Randomize
