rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
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