we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
