She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
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