I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
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