I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
