New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
So apparently I’m into choking now
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