saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
