covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
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