4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
