I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
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