He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
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