I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
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