I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
not ubering you a puppy
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
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