I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
Randomize
