apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
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