White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
So vagazzling was a success
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize