you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
Randomize
