Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Randomize
