obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
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