Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
