I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
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