He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Randomize